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Writer's pictureLaynie Erickson

How To Ensure You Are Boyfriend Free on Valentine’s Day in 5 Easy Steps...

In trying to decide what I should write my tutorial blog about; I was really struggling. I kept trying to think of the things I’m pretty good at and came up with volleyball and doing makeup, both of which are already the subject of thousands of online tutorials.


So what else could I possibly have of value to offer in the way of instruction? Then it hit me. I am an expert at being single on Valentine’s Day. I’m talking black belt level.


For fear you think I’m bragging about this accomplishment, I am not. But, for those of you who are looking to stay away from messy entanglements on this potentially costly holiday...I’ve got you covered.


So with my vast experience in blowing up relationships, I offer 5 easy steps so you too can spend this holiday all alone.

1. EMOTIONALLY CHEAT

While I have never actually physically cheated on a boyfriend, I can’t recommend emotionally cheating enough if your goal is to be single. How do I emotionally cheat you ask? Easy, just find a guy who is not your boyfriend and keep telling yourself how he “really understands you” and “has no interest in you outside of friendship”. Then, talk to him in depth about all the things that are wrong in your relationship. For bonus points, make sure you share things that your boyfriend would never want shared to outside parties. While you may tell yourself this isn’t really cheating, the result will be the same and you can plan on cooking for one this February 14th.


2. BE UNFAIR

Yes, the good ole’ I can do it, but how dare you maneuver. Simply continue to hang out with your guy friends during the relationship, even though your boyfriend isn’t crazy about the idea. Then, when he attempts to do the same thing with his female friends, lose your mind and call him a cheater. I would also highly recommend hysterically crying and dramatically blocking him on social media. You know, just to make extra sure you don’t have to buy anyone a Valentine’s Day gift this year.

3. GHOST THEM

There’s a reason this one’s a classic. It literally requires no effort and doesn’t make you do any of those silly little things like address issues head on like an adult. That’s right, you too can completely ignore your high school boyfriend when you get to college and never have to be bothered with uncomfortable conversations like being unsure of a long-distance relationship. This one has been proven 100% effective and will ensure that you don’t have to share that box of chocolates with anyone else this holiday.


4. PUT THE PRESSURE ON


Now this is a fantastic move when you have been talking to a guy that you really like for a relatively short period of time. In fact, you could say it works like magic. Simply let him know that you don’t have sex outside of relationships and watch as he quickly disappears…






5. STRAIGHT UP GET RID OF HIM


With all of my experience losing guys, this is the course of action I recommend the most. Say you find out the guy you’re supposed to be seeing exclusively is sleeping with another girl you knew from high school. Compound that with the fact that this was the same girl that once swore to you that North was not an actual direction, but instead whatever way you were facing at the time. Yeah, she wasn't exactly in honor society. While I cannot write exactly what was said to the guy for fear of losing a letter grade on this blog for explicit language, let’s just say it did the trick and there will be no rose petals scattered anywhere in my house this Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone. There’s pressure to spend tons of money and dinner reservations are impossible. So, for those of you who don’t want to worry about what to get your significant other this holiday, simply follow these 5 easy steps. Then, you too can spend Valentine’s Day watching The Notebook, eating ice cream straight out of the carton, and wondering where your Ryan Gosling is.


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